October is a special month for us. It was October 1998 when our love affair began. I knew someday we would say goodbye. I wasn't sure when or how. But now I find myself here in 2017, writing you this farewell.
Goodbye’s are not easy for me. It's not easy to let go of who I am when I am with you. I haven't been able to picture my life without you in it. Ever.
You changed me. I made a choice to invest myself, all of me, into this contradictory world of sex and money. This is where I have grown and evolved. You infused my life with the frenetic promise of freedom and potential that comes with economic independence.
I am grateful for the wonderful times we've shared. You have taken me around the world. You've introduced me to new experiences, ideas and people that have expanded the scope of what I believed was possible for myself. Sometimes, you believed in me when I didn't. In the end, I triumphed in the sex industry! It worked out for me. I am incredibly fortunate.
There were also the painful times. We've had our conflicts. Sometimes your behavior is deplorable. I learned early how to navigate your shadows. These challenges made me stronger and tougher. But they also became a turn off.
With time I came to see your limitations. I saw how poorly you care for your own health, and how this poor care of self seeps into all of your relationships. I saw how you are often not able to reciprocate empathy. I saw how you squander your riches and privilege in the world outside of you because you are too afraid to look inward. You are still learning to invest in yourself. I hope you’ll get there.
When you sought guidance I was happy to be your guide. You knew you were lost, but you were rarely willing to do the self-work necessary to grow. I couldn't do it for you. I focused on myself instead. I continued to spend time with you. You infused me with the resources to take my own journeys. To see the world without you. To travel my own inner path. I invested in myself. Developed myself personally and professionally. Before I knew it, I was seeing you less and less. At first this was very upsetting to me. I thought you had rejected me. I thought that I needed you.
Eventually I found that years of hard work were producing results. My life apart from you was full. I realized that I was seeing you less not because you had rejected me, but because I didn't really need you anymore.
I have loved you, and I still do. In so many ways. Your heart, each and every one of them, has left a mark on mine. My understanding of love will always be colored by what I learned from the love we parceled out to each other over the hours. While that love remains, my desire to take this form, to maintain this image, to be the Kimberlee Cline I've invested my life in, has waned.
I set a goal for myself. We all know this industry has time limits. Those who have the talent to reinvent can stretch that time. For me, I wanted to reinvent the paradigm that narrows opportunities for sex workers after we leave the industry. Why shouldn’t sex work be something we put on our resumes? Why should we have to hide how hard we’ve worked to get where we are once we’ve gotten there? Why aren’t the talents we’ve developed through our triumphs and failures recognized as professional assets? Why does society diminish the intelligence, resourcefulness, resilience and pure bad-assery of sex workers?
I am ready to move on now with the confidence that I do not have to hide who I am or who I’ve been for the past 19 years. I only have to figure out how I want to grow. And I am so deliciously ready for this challenge!
Kimberlee Cline is and has always been me. Kimberlee Cline is no longer a primary vehicle through which I earn a living. I will no longer be meeting clients via this website. I will remain on NiteFlirt. My twitter account will remain active and I will be talking a lot about cannabis and sex.
As I bid my farewells, I leave you with a plea. Be good to my sisters and brothers in the sex industry. Of every gender, race, size, style. These human beings deserve your utmost respect and adoration. Sex workers are living embodiments of dreams, perseverance and struggle. Don’t devalue us.
So much of what we face in this business is compounded by the bigoted attitudes of those who don't really know us. You do know us. You watch our videos, read our media, have sex with us, dream of having sex with us. Those who consume the work of sex workers must be our closest and boldest allies. As the war against us wages on, our customers have become the targets of harassment and increased legal penalties. Prove the misguided haters wrong by being a stellar customer.
And finally, please be good to YOU. It's not anybody else’s job to make sure you eat well, drink enough water, get exercise. Not your wife. Not your kids. Not your escort. If you need help, invest in personal training, dietitians, life coaching. You must take better care of yourself. Use your money. Make it a priority. Trust me, everything else falls into place when you start with yourself. Do it for you.
With loving adoration,
PS- you know I can't retire Kimberlee Cline without a big fat retirement party! It will be in California and you will have lots of advanced notice to plan travel. Submit your email to receive an invite: